“En nuestros locos intentos, renunciamos a lo que somos por lo que esperamos ser.”
¿Y qué otra cosa se podría esperar tras vivir el inicio de un ciclo nuevo? La escritura es la única sublimación de la que soy capaz. La única forma para ordenar…(me).
I always loved to walk under the moonlight, like in the movies, or books. I know it is a cliché, and I hate it so much, maybe because it reminds me how usual I am, and like everybody else, I crave uniqueness.
That very night, I wasn’t sad, or happy, I just was… Everything seemed okey, and I wanted to think. I watched my clock, and it said 11:00pm, but it felt like 3:00 in the morning.
I laid over there. I didn’t care if anybody could see me. Those matters never affected me anyway. However, suddenly someone arrived and sat right next to me. It was him. The whole scene felt like a book or a Hollywood kind of movie, when someone arrives like that as a result of fate, or some other stupid thing. I’ve never believe in fate.
-Let me ask you a simple question, please. -He said, as he smiled.
-Well, you are already here. Why not -I said with a tiny touch of sarcasm in my words. Actually, I wasn’t surprised at all that he came out of nowhere.
-I noticed that you come here every two nights… What do you do here?
-I just think.
-Do you ever think about me?
-No -I said- I just think in my life, myself, the mistakes I’ve made and the things I want to see differently… I am only certain in one little thing in this very moment of my life: I still have a lot of work to do in myself. I’m my biggest project.
Then, he smiled again. I always loved that smile, and he knew it.
-Well, I aways think about you, you know? I think in how intelligent you are, how deep your thoughts are and…
-And I couldn’t care less.
I wasn’t angry or anything. I didn’t mean to be rude, I just didn’t care. And, as I heard those silly words, I couldn’t be able to dismiss this thought: people often say how senseless men are, or stupid. But that’s not true. They always know what they are doing. And I strongly believe they use every word carefully. I’m not saying that they mean what they say, of course not, that’s naive. But they know the purpose of their words. They always say what they think we want to hear. And most of the time they fulfill. Women? We are pretty simple, we like attention and pretty words. It’s like the basis of our nature. And as a result of that, we have to be conscious of that structure.
With maturity, it comes the ability to differentiate when people say what they really mean, or if they are saying what they think we want to hear. Most of the time it’s not that difficult, you just have to ignore some of your senses, and see between reality.
Aún no descifro bien qué pienso. Solo sé que me sacó de contexto.
A veces cuesta un poco la afrontación, nunca es fácil.
Pero duele más el tiempo perdido debido a la evitación, al miedo a “sufrir”.
Tengo que recordarme que soy suficiente. Soy un todo. Tanto aspectos buenos como malos. Y eso está bien, estoy bien.
Tengo que recordar que no debo estar atrás de alguien. Ya no.
Demasiado idealista, demasiado perdida en la fantasía y en el deber ser.